The Oh-So-Appropriate Death of a Brown Widow Spider on Halloween
Or…The Dragon had to kill an evil beast

Know thy enemy.
First and foremost rule of warfare: know thy enemy. For me, the enemy is spiders. (Also panthers with black fur.) Spiders cause a very real central nervous system reaction in me. Those of you who have followed this blog a long time may remember the day I discovered a mouse-sized wolf spider scurrying along the roof of the passenger side of my Saturn while I was driving. Needless to say, I did not continue driving for more than two or three seconds after emitting an ear-piercing scream in the spider’s general direction…

So today, imagine the neighbors’ entertainment at seeing me do the spider dance (in my Chariss costume because I’d just come from a book signing for Choices Meant for Kings) outside the new car…upon finding not just a freaking brown widow tucked in the passenger doorframe but also three of her egg sacs. I was beside myself. Now, keep in mind I didn’t realize she was a brown widow at first. All I knew was a pretty big spider was tucked up inside the frame with some webbing and these spiky looking sacs that I KNEW I’d seen before…somewhere…

Half a can of Raid later…

She came out of her hiding spot when I soaked her, the web and the eggs with Raid. That’s when I got a good look at the body and the striped legs. Evil, I tell you.

I thought it entirely appropriate for a Halloween blog. Evil spiders that are twice as potent as a black widow hanging out in my car, waiting for their egg sacs to open and release their millions of tiny evil babies into my vehicle is a horror movie in the making as far as I’m concerned. And I stopped it before it went into filming. Bwuahahahahaha.

Happy Halloween!
“Some days, you just want the dragon to win.”
Tags: Halloween, spider, brown widow, Raid, fear, wolf spider

It's Loose in My Den
Or...I wonder what it's like to awaken to the sound of me screaming...

So I'm in my den this morning, preparing to post the word of the day for all you visitors when I see movement across the room from me. Large movement. Now, considering the cat is low to the ground, the height on the wall at which I see this movement is distressing, at best.

It's one of those fist-size wolf spiders. And it stops to look back at me. I think it snarled.

My reaction brought a flurry of blanket and half-comatose "wha? wha? wha's going on?" from the couch in the room just outside my den. (For those of you who have heard the "panther-at-the-window" story, this part is a repeat.) Anyway, my significant other had to do the honors of chasing said spider around my den with the various flat objects and can-o-Raid because I made a beeline for the farthest corner of the house (my bathroom sink) where I sat shivering in abject terror considering how nice it was for him to deal with this.

He failed.

Now, I have to give him props for trying, but, dudes, now I'm in here watching the walls...I expect the thing to slip out from behind the bookshelf (where it is supposedly plotting my doom) at any moment, sprint across the ceiling, drop onto me, and suck the life out of my head or something. Good God! It could happen! And it would suck!

I had a native Floridian (my artist, Megan Kissinger, actually) tell me once that wolf spiders don't bite; they just jump and flee and scare the crap out of you. But I also had a native Floridian tell me the scorpions around here were harmless...prior to one stinging me (and it hurt) and causing my arm to swell up like a Florida orange. But, you know, I survived. I'll probably survive the demon stalking me, too, but I'm totally freaked out by it. I have to go to work now, which means I'm going to lose track of it all day. It's probably going to sneak into my bed and wait for me...

Eight-legged demon freak...

I don't know how to turn this into a writing-related column for you guys. I'm supposed to always post about Choices Meant for Gods or something writing-related, but, I'm sorry, I'm just too freaked out by the thought of something vile and hairy running across the keyboard...or my foot...or stopping on the keyboard...or my foot...Ugh. So how about those of you who read this post think of the thing that scares you most in life and respond in the comment field. Write (there we go: write) what freaks you out or scares you and share it with the other visitors. I've just shared mine!

"Some days, I just want the dragon to win."

Tags: Choices Meant for Gods, wolf spiders, writing assignment