Stupid Thing I Didn't Say
Or...Why would you antagonize a woman who's holding a machete?

So I was at a gun show over in Ft. Lauderdale last weekend looking at some "reference books" on warfare and incendiary products and so forth. A guy walked up to the table, picked up a book titled "BOOBYTRAPS" and said to me (whom he did not know), "Hey, isn't that what bras are for?" Then he laughed like this was the greatest joke ever and put the book back down.

A friend of mine told me now I know how the UPS man felt after I "propositioned" him. (Let us all please remember that was an accident.)

But the UPS man wasn't holding a sharp weapon. I was. Why would a guy antagonize a woman who's holding a machete?

"Some days, you just want the dragon to win."
Tags: machete, bras, boobytrap

If a Dinosaur Eats a Dragon...
Or...The Dragon did another one of these crazy quizzes and it rocks



"Some days, you just want the dragon to win."
Tags: dinosaur, dragon, quiz

Cleaning the Cell Phone Now
Or...The Dragon is seriously grossed out




But the little green germ guys are pretty cute...
Created by Oatmeal
 
"Some days, you just want the dragon to win."
Tags: dragon, cell phone, germs

TiK TaK [Ke$ha "TiK ToK" Parody / Spoof]

I used to work for someone that this reminds me of. That may be unkind of me, but, hey, I can't help that it reminded me of her. (And now I'm laughing.)

A Baby Dragon in the Kitchen
Or...The Dragon has another lizard catching bugs

You may or may not be aware that I've been battling bugs for several months. I moved into this apartment 18 months ago. There were some ant problems at first. Solved that with the Truly Nolen folks. But about five or six months ago, neighbors began to leave, new neighbors moved in, a revolving door of "questionables" took up semi-residence directly next door while I'm-not-sure-what-was-going-on took up residence for a few months in the apartment downstairs from next door. Needless to say, the roaches wanted stability. They came to me. I've been fighting them ever since.

The apartment manager and the folks at Truly Nolen seem somewhat nonplussed by my plight. The exterminator comes in, does some spraying, tells me things could be worse, and leaves. Someone in the front office told me the "routine," which includes fogging the entire building, in the event the Truly Nolen guy fails to finish off the buggers on the second spraying, which involved me removing every item from every cabinet and drawer in my kitchen. Sigh.

The routine was not followed. The exterminator keeps telling me "it's getting better."

Here's the thing. I don't consider seeing five to ten roaches a day "better." I consider that an Elvis song.

A couple weeks ago, when it was very cold here, a small dark lizard huddled outside my front door and darted in when the door opened. Smart lizard. So I offered him warmth and water. He eats roaches. It's a good relationship. He mostly hangs out in the den.

Today, while at the Rennaissance Festival up in Ft. Myers, I stopped at a tent where a guy was selling orphaned baby dragons. These are tame anoles from Louisiana. Stunning how calm these little lizards are. So, for an overpriced but well-spent $15, I now have a second baby dragon living in my kitchen. I'm so proud of him, too. I let him out of the container and within three minutes, he was munching down on a roach that he caught himself. THAT's extermination. He should be fat by tomorrow.

I'm sick and tired of these stupid bugs. I refuse to live like this. I've been looking for a new place. I may need the Health Department to help me get out of the current lease, but, hey, that should NOT be difficult. You just walk in here and something with too many legs runs at you.

"Some days, you just want the dragon to win."
Tags: dragon, anole, exterminator, health department

Happy National Appreciate a Dragon Day!

January 16th

I'm in Hawaii so the time zone is screwy. Might post funky...

Of Libraries and Tropical Islands
Or…Dragons travel with books

I’ve just returned from the east side of Florida and the 11th Annual Author’s Showcase, which is a presentation of the Delray Beach Public Library. From 2 to just past 3 p.m., a standing room only crowd in the library’s main auditorium listened to brief presentations from 12 juried authors—Pam Carey, Africa Fine, Daria Anne DiGiovanni, Phyllis Dinerman, Goddess, Chaya Sharon Heller, Stephanie Kay & Andi Kay, Sandy Lender, Madelyn Lorber, Paul Scheiner, Kiki BelMonte-Schaller, and Lucy Beebe Tobias. Then until 4 p.m., the attendees had an opportunity to mix and mingle with the authors and learn more about their books. Each author had the opportunity to donate a book to the library so others in the Delray community can catch up on their new-book reading, too.

In the photo above, you can see Fantasy Author Sandy Lender at her table before the event got underway. Also, during Sandy’s three- to four-minute presentation, she got to tell the audience how Amanda Chariss compels her to keep on writing.

Please visit the Delray Beach Public Library Web site for more information on the event or on any of the authors listed above. If you attended the event and would like more information about me, keep on reading! I also have a Web site and an author page on my Amazon book pages for Choices Meant for Gods, Choices Meant for Kings, and that short story compilation What Choices We Made. It was a pleasure to meet so many smiling faces and new fans. Thank you to all who braved the bitter chill to come out.

And now…I announce that I’m leaving this bitter chill behind for a week! This Friday, I will board a plane for Hawaii where I’ll be representing my construction magazine (that day job that pays the bills). What’s great about this is the resort where the conference is being held will be selling copies of Choices Meant for Gods and Choices Meant for Kings. There are other great things (like being in Maui for a week, seeing industry friends, covering cool news, etc.), but I figure folks checking into this site are interested in book/publishing information.

“Some days, you just want the dragon to win.”

Tags: Delray Beach, library, fantasy author, Sandy Lender, Florida

See You on the East Coast; Check out the Latest News
Or...housekeeping items that matter to dragons

My web gal is updating the Sandy Lender Web site so you'll have new news and events to check out shortly. In the meantime, the biggies you'll want to be aware of are as follows:

The first novel in the Choices fantasy series, Choices Meant for Gods, is now available in Kindle format. So if you're looking for a fantasy novel to read on your Kindle, you can search through Kindle books at Amazon, or you can click on this easy link for the Kindle version of Choices Meant for Gods. At posting time, all the reviews from the hardcover edition hadn't copied over yet, but you can see some excellent five-star reviews at Choices Meant for Gods or at the Web site.

The second novel in the Choices fantasy trilogy, Choices Meant for Kings, is also available in Kindle format.

Fantasy Author Sandy Lender will be speaking and signing books at the Delray Beach Library event this Saturday, Jan. 10, from 2 to 4 p.m. If you're in that neck of the woods, stop by this free book festival and meet the dragon, check out the cool display, get some free goodies (no exploding ink, I promise), and pick up your hardcover editions of Choices Meant for Gods and Choices Meant for Kings before I sell out of them.

Later in the week, check out the Web site for more goodies and updates!

"Some days, you just want the dragon to win."

Tags: kindle, kindle books, fantasy, kindle format, fantasy novel, fantasy author, Sandy Lender, fantasy series, five-star reviews, Delray Beach

Microsoft Word Haiku
Or...The Dragon invites you to write a Haiku

A writer named Amy Thompson in a fantasy writing group I participate in online posted this list of Microsoft Haiku that made me laugh out loud. I figured that was a pretty good reason to share it with all ya'll visitors.

But I'm not just sharing. I'm challenging you to write a Haiku of your own! You probably know the rules. Five syllables in the first line; seven in the second; five in the third. Enjoy what's here and then give your best shot!
------------ --------- ---------

Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

------------ --------- --------
The Website you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.

------------ --------- --------
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

------------ --------- --------
Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.

------------ --------- --------
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

------------ --------- --------
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

------------ --------- --------
First snow, then silence.
This thousand-dollar screen dies
So beautifully.

------------ --------- --------
With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.

------------ --------- -------
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao-until
You bring fresh toner.

------------ --------- --------
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

------------ --------- --------
A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.
(boat anchor)

------------ --------- --------
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

------------ --------- --------
You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

------------ --------- --------
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

------------ --------- --------
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.

------------ --------- --------
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.


"Some days, you just want the dragon to win."
Tags: Microsoft Word, Haiku, challenge