Today the Dragon Wins

"Today the Dragon Wins" offers information from Fantasy Author and Professional Editor Sandy Lender. You'll also find dragons, wizards, sorcerers, and other fantasy elements necessary for a fabulous story, if you know where to look...

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Sandy Lender is the editor of an international trade publication and the author of the fantasy novels Choices Meant for Gods and Choices Meant for Kings, available from ArcheBooks Publishing, and the series-supporting chapbook, What Choices We Made.

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Thursday, March 20, 2008

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Cadbury chocolate crème egg?
Or…The Dragon gives you this Easter treat quandary

I'm sure you've seen the Web sites where bored college students microwave marshmallow peeps until the poor things expand to the size of Chihuahuas and the density of neutron stars. Now I've got a new Easter experiment for you that doesn't involve ruining one of the two plastic plates you've got left to your name.

It's an experiment that hearkens back to our childhood days when a cartoon child sought the wisdom of a cartoon owl in a cartoon commercial for a cartoon sucker. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie-Roll Pop? Too many, I'm sure. And who cares? The Tootsie-Roll center always had shards of candy shell in it.

Let's go for the chocolate equivalent of that Einsteinian quandary.

How many licks does it take to get the center of a Cadbury chocolate crème egg? These masters of disguise have been hiding their nutritious goodness from us for years so it's time to investigate other truths about them. I mean, did you know these babies pack 4% of your daily calcium requirement into each egg? They each contain a full gram of protein. They only have 3 grams of saturated fat per serving. People! They're a veritable cornucopia of chocolaty delightfulness in one little package.

The only problem with eating a Cadbury chocolate crème egg is biting in and dribbling yolk down your chin. Sigh. What can you do? The answer, my friend, lies in licking your way to the center. Do you have the patience? Can you make it? How many licks does it take?

Scientific Method:
1. unwrap one Cadbury Crème Egg
2. lick chocolate outer layer of egg until tongue comes into contact with yolk center

# of licks: 295

Variables: density of egg wall where you choose to excavate and strength of individual tongue (I'll leave all the innuendo up to you visitors)

This was a grueling exercise, but, as you can see from the images, I didn't put myself through it. I found a friend who didn't think I was insane until about 50 licks into the project. He swore me to some form of anonymity so the pictures are cropped. (They're also out of focus, but that's because I did a poor job of zooming in on the eggs—plural.) Yes, the poor fellow fell into the Tootsie-Roll-Pop trap and originally bit one of the eggs, as seen in the fourth image, which I refer to as "The Aftermath". But success was achieved, as seen in the rather bizarre and probably pornographic third image. I'm not sure if you can tell but the sides of the egg are about to cave under the stress of meltage.

When performing this eggsperiment at home, keep a couple glasses of water and moist paper towels close at hand for the scientist. Mine had to stop and get the taste of Cadbury out of his mouth more than once before breaking through to the yolk. He's not fond of Cadbury chocolate (or the inner yolk), which boggles my mind.

Now, lest you think I'm alone in this insanity, allow me to point out others who have screwed around with these eggs, too. Check out this bizarre young man. Looks like a college student… You will either be offended by the total disregard for chocolate shells or by the vulgarity, but you have GOT to admit, this is a fabulous experiment and blog post. I direct you to

Happy Easter!

"Some days, I just want the dragon to win."
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